Why are all families, even "good Christian families" jacked up? All of us instinctively define love as being loved rather than loving. If you say "love" the knee jerk is getting what we "want" or "need" but love, as God seems to define it is a commitment of the will to the good of the other person.
No where is the twisted view of love more clear then when a dude quotes scripture to brow beat his wife. Every husband wants to run to Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV):
"22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Every husband runs to this verse to try to get his wife to shut her gob and do what he wants her to do without witching about it; this has caused many a wife to grow to hate the Bible!
Now, dudes, notice a few things: (1) Paul expends most of his ammo not on the ladies but on the fellas; (2) he commands husbands to love their wives like Jesus loved the church and what did Jesus do for the church? HE DIED!
Now ask yourself this question, does your wife truly believe that you love her so much that you would die for her? Does she really? I doubt it. She'd probably say you don't even love her enough to miss a race or a game to help with the kids.
Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." God's inspired word states that your wife is grace incarnate. Quit rattling off snaps like "She's a feminazi", "She could burn water", "She's allergic to work, thinks she'll break out in a rash", blah, blah, blah. Does she know you would die for her? If not, then you have a lot of work to do. Get to it.